I can see your face in the clustered stars
And I can sense your presence in the rarefied air.
Although our paths have never crossed,
Our hearts seemed entwined in space.
Over a million dusts that covers the earth,
I can see the tiny fleeting crumbs that steers your way
As though a thousand bliss will be carried by fate,
If only we choose the same destiny to take.
You mean more to me that I could ever explain,
Like two souls that are preordained.
But is it not now, nor at this life?
Is it a battle lost before we begin the fight?
If you search me in the stars, feel me in the air,
And look for the crumbs I left in the trail;
Listen to my voice that whispers your name,
You’ll find that heart waiting even when it rains.
“Every long-lost dream led me to where you are
And others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know it’s true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you”
A few years back, my then boyfriend asked if there is a place in the US of A that I would love to see. I told him about how I have always wanted to hike the Delicate Arch and The Narrows in Utah. Long story short, he booked a ticket and a hotel in Utah… it would have been a fun vacation except I stood him up. My lousy excuse? Work; so, we broke up. Too soon old, too late smart.
It was only a year after that I was able to check Utah out of my bucket list. ‘Did the 17hr drive from Calgary and it was worth it. The fall foliage at US-6 is beautiful, the hike to The Narrows and the Delicate Arch is nothing compared to the views itself.
As for the ex-boyfriend, we still talk as close friends. I consider him as the one who got away. I can say I am happy with where he is right now and how he has found someone else. I too am happy with my current relationship, no matter how blurry it gets sometimes. He is my good karma. Just like the Arches, a tiring 17hour drive but at the end of the hike is a place worth it all.
Early this morning I was having a chat with a friend who used to work at my current company. Apparently, he got a call from one of the department managers and they wanted him back. I asked him if he has decided on it yet. He said he hasn’t received an offer yet. I told him I can send him an offer if that’s all he wants. 😂 Here’s my offer letter:
Dear [first name],
I am pleased to offer you a role as a “bowa (boyfriend)” at CShella Foundation for the Single yet Cute Boylets. I trust that your experience and skills will be a valuable asset to my company.
If you are to accept this offer you will be eligible to the following in accordance to my company’s policies:
To accept this offer sign and date this job offer letter as indicated below and email it back to me by 08September2017.
If you accept this offer, your hire date will be the 08September2017.
I at CShella Foundation for the Single yet Cute Boylets hope that you’ll accept this offer and look forward to welcoming you aboard. Feel free to call CShella if you have any questions or concerns.
Look to the left, right, behind; be very aware of the environment… this was me, totally paranoid, after a guy admitted to stalking me.I met him at one of the company I used to work at. I was a new hire and had to attend a two-hour safety orientation. He was my seatmate and became a partner at one of the orientation activities. He seems nice, a typical mixed middle-eastern-European guy.
After that day, he sent me emails… and then calls… eventually I would “chance” upon him at the lobby or the hallway far more often than usual. I didn’t give any meaning to it until one day; I was alone sitting at the bus stop when I saw him walking towards me. Right in that very spot he proposed to me; his exact words were a mental torture. Of all people, why me? See, the thing is, I don’t remember him asking me out on a date. He just popped the question just like the movies and I am a very realistic person, I don’t fall for that. The bus arrived right before I could weave the politically correct way of saying no.
His emails and calls became incessant, and I became creative in finding ways to avoid him. He would leave me voicemails detailing his plans for the day with me which I would politely decline.
I was at the cafeteria when he spotted me and joined me in for lunch. I barely finished my food because he wanted me to explain why I wouldn’t give him a chance. Eventually, I ran out of excuses and just told him a lie, that I already have a boyfriend. He went berserk and accused me of being promiscuous.
I felt harassed and was about to report him to our HR group when I found out that he was about to be laid off. He said sorry for everything that he’d said and wanted to meet up so he could make things right before he leaves. I blocked him on everything.
A couple of months forward, he could reach me out. My contacts reset when I changed my phone and didn’t notice it until his message went through. He professed his undying love and admitted to stalking me. It sent me shivers. For the nth time, I rejected him. And for the nth time, he couldn’t take it.
I became paranoid after his confession. I would barely go out alone. To top it up, he was being pushy. For four years, he would ask for a chance, but I would always choose someone else. For four years, I would try and explain why friendship is the only thing I could offer him.
I guess what he couldn’t accept is the fact that I am not the type of girl who would settle for someone who’s available. I am not the type of girl who would fall easily. I am the kind of girl who sticks to what I know is right for me. I am the type of girl who waits.
So, my dear stalker, thanks for the love and attention. Sorry that I couldn’t force myself to loving you back. I hope that you would keep your promise, that you will forget me. I wish that you meet someone else. Someone who would appreciate you. Someone who would love you back. Someone who would be happy being stalked.
naalala ko noong una kita makita, feeling ko magiging malaki kang parte ng buhay ko. kaso may gf ka non time na un; at ako naman, ang panget ko lang. wala naman nagpakilala sa atin noon at malamang hindi mo ko natatandaan. pero aaminin ko na may kaunting kaunti akong pagnanasa sayo non (alam mo yan).9 years forward, eto na tayo. ano ba meron sa atin ngaun? wala naman; bukod sa close na tayo dahil mas maganda at mas sexy ako ngaun (hehehe), mas masaya ako at mas mahaba ang pang-unawa ko pagdating sa pag-ibig (naks) dahil sayo (naks ulit).
naiintindihan ko na hindi normal ang relationship natin (abnormal ka kasi).naiintindihan ko din na mas malabo pa sa sikat ng buwan na maging priority mo ko (dahil nga abnormal ka). pero… pero gusto ko ipaalam sayo na mahal na mahal kita, na oo, promise ikaw ang priority ko (gaga kasi ako) at hindi kita iiwan until you ask me to (tanga ko lang).
isa lang ang wish ko (wag na kaya? baka mag-back-out ka pa eh)…
“…Mahalin mo nalang ako
Ng sobra sobra
Para patas naman tayo
Sasalubungin natin ang kinabukasan
Ng walang takot at walang pangamba
Tadhana’y merong Trip na makapangyarihan
Kung ayaw may dahilan
Kung gusto palaging merong paraan
Hahalikan nalang natin ang kinabukasan
Ng buong loob at yayakapin pa
Tadhana’y medyo overrated kung minsan
Kung ayaw may dahilan
Kung gusto palaging merong paraan
Gumawa nalang tayo ng paraan
Gumawa nalang tayo ng… (baby)
Gumawa nalang tayo ng paraan”
Life is not always fun, not always happy, and not always beautiful. I remember moments of being overwhelmed by the workload I have, and moments of being worried that I might become redundant when things slow down at the office. I remember being so utterly in love with someone that my heart feels like it is just about to explode, and I remember times when I am just so numb and cold.
But guess what? I found out that kindness is the key to everything. When you’re sad, lonely and depressed; show a little bit of kindness to someone and it will surely brighten your day.
There’s a small coffee shop right next to the building where I work at. Every morning before heading to work, I would drop by that coffee shop to buy myself a hot chocolate and a breakfast sandwich. I would also buy gift cards to give away to homeless people. (Yes, I do prefer giving away gift cards than cash).
One fine Wednesday morning; while on the way to that coffee shop, I was scrambling through my bag for change to buy me my morning fix, I thought about being more frugal as the economy is getting worse. As I was about to enter the coffee shop, I gave way and open the door to the woman about to exit. On her way out she said thanks and handed me a gift card similar to what I’d usually buy and told me “have a happy Wednesday”. That gesture made me feel grateful for everything. That little act of kindness was another epiphany that God will never ever forsake me. I felt truly blessed crossing path with a kind person.
So whenever you feel down or worried, go out and give or show a little kindness. When you feel happy, share your happiness by being kind towards someone. Life may not always be fun, not always happy, and not always beautiful; but it is also not always difficult, not always sad and not always ugly.
Few weeks back, she asked one of her friends why her friend would never get back with her husband since they have a kid. “Why won’t you settle back together for the sake of your child?” she asked. “It’s traumatic” was all her friend said. And she understood her. Been there, done that. Her friend said; if it was her, she would probably have stayed because she’s “too nice and churchy”.
A couple of years ago, her relationship of over five years had ended over cheating. At that time she thought that maybe her decision to leave him would change if their relationship was bonded by the sacred matrimony. She thought that maybe she could forgive all the physical and emotional abuse. But now she realized that they would probably have the same bitter ending, because she could and would never trust him again. Even if she forgives him for all the abuse, there will always be an elephant in the room, a shadow of polygamy and fears following her until all her doubts lead them to divorce.
He never asked her for forgiveness, and her guess fate ensure their paths never cross.
She told her dear friend how what happened has changed her. She is no longer the nice person trying to play the role of a Messiah in every relationship. She no longer ignores all the red flags of a villain pretending to be a prince charming. She no longer settles for anything that is less than what she deserves.
The one who broke her heart will be monster in her story. But until she figured not everyone is bound to hurt her, the monster in her story is called doubt.
“…sometimes Love brings you flowers, then it builds you coffins, and far too often we fall to our demise.”
5 AM, I was at the parking lot praying as I start my brand new car. The built-in GPS said it would only take me 20 mins to reach my destination. I knew it’s too early, but it was my first time to drive alone and I was driving my first car. I was not too confident about myself driving so I gave myself an extra hour as factor of ignorance. 15 mins later, I was at a remote construction site; lost. I called my most reliable friend who apparently doesn’t take calls at ungodly hour. I braced myself and continued driving relying on my GPS and my unbelievably poor sense of direction.
I arrived at my destination 2 hours after an involuntary scenic tour around the city; stress plastered all over my face…
Two years forward, my cars’ mileage is over 30,000km. The stress I felt during those times was not entirely a big deal. I braved my way to cross-country driving, even up to the most remote part of the northern Canada.
11 PM; under the bridge; my boyfriend and I were sitting at the back of his car. The thoughts of me stressed out on driving flashed back as I try to break up with him. I realized that just like my first time driving; given the time; everything will eventually be okay. My feelings at this moment would no longer be valid. In two years or so, I will again look back to now and smile at how better I’ve become as a person. With the hard-learned lessons tucked underneath my bruised heart, I move-on in time…